started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
