what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize