You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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