i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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