that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
