youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
