Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
