So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
