Can i not drive my cunt home
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
