never play flip cup with pint glasses
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
