She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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