saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
