No awkward lesbian experiences without me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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