Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
