THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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