The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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