u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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