mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
