She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
