why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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