woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
