Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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