i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
