I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
