M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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