I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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