he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
