I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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