he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
