Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
