God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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