Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
