Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think a kid would responsible me up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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