Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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