Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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