if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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