There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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