i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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