his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you had me at cake vodka
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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