Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
