I think i peed on brittanys purse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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