she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
