glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
