At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
