How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
