So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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