Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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