i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
