glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
50% drunk capacity currently
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
