That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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