Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
