I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
