does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
