So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
