Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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