I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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