Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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