So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
