I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
